All I Want For Christmas Is Your Two Front Teeth

What makes the Yule season so attractive to MMA fans is the stellar UFC cards that abound this time of year. That and the fact that Santa’s suit and Rudolf’s nose match Koscheck’s face after his beating via GSP. And Santa’s belt sort of looks like a championship belt, the one GSP is still wearing , Josh. If Santa was champ, how long do you think he would reign, dear? But I digest.

People who think the violence of MMA is incongruous with the holidays forget that Christmas is when families get together, so drinking and fighting make perfect sense. Are you going to try and tell me it's different in your family? Go right ahead. I'm listening.

We're supposed to have a White Christmas. How are we supposed to do that without listening to Dana school Canadian television hosts in Toronto about their misapprehensions about MMA, as well as their misplaced belief that Gretzky is Canada’s most famous athlete when actually it is GSP? I’m dreaming of a White Christmas.

Don’t think Dana isn’t cognizant of the Christmas/MMA connection, either. Do you think it’s fluke that the World Elf Cagefighting is merging with the UFC now? Of course not. It’s time the elves got a present.

I used to ring out the old and ring in the new like a lot of other people: smashed and screaming Happy New Year! But being shit-faced didn’t seem a very respectful way to end or begin anything as important as a whole year. I needed another way to watch college bowl games with laryngitis, and what better way to do that than screaming at GSP to stay away from Koscheck’s looping bombs, or yelling at the redneck waitress who says, “Get a room boys,” every time a fight goes to a clinch?

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After GSP’s win, third world countries will soon be receiving thousands of free tee shirts for Christmas that say Josh Koscheck, UFC Welterweight Champion, shirts that were printed up for sale...just in case. Waste not, want not. With this giving spirit in mind it’s time to decide what to get the MMA fan in your life. Here are some suggestions:

-Gray Maynard Bible with a special insert called Lay and Pray.

-Signed Chris Leben mouthpiece and athletic cup (he's so tough he doesn’t need them).

-A dos Santos octagon-worn glove, signed by the owner of the teeth embedded therein.

-A copy of Diego Sanchez’s new book, YES, I thought I could.

-WEC action figures (life size).

-Octagon girl.

-Jenna Jameson blow-up doll patch kit.

That’s about it. Oh, one last one. What do you get when you cross Junior dos Santos with Roy Nelson? Junior dos Santa.

Hey, bub, if I was funny I’d be a stand up comic.

By Renko Styranka
ProFighting-fans.com MMA Staff Writer