The Voice Box: Slice, Sapp, Toney & Television Ratings - The Catch 22 of the Curiosities

MMA announcer Michael "The Voice" Schiavello of HDNet Fights takes a look at why we like specific fighters for Pro Fighting Fans

As human beings we have a few basic needs: air, food, water, companionship, shelter and safety. We also need answers; not only those answers required to attain these basic survival needs, but answers to own our natural curiosities. I’m talking about the stuff that plays on your mind; has you glued every night to the Discovery Channel or E!; and has you forking out that yearly subscription to Nexus, National Geographic or Playboy (hey, that’s taking care a whole different need!). 

We humans are curious by nature. Whenever anyone asks me the question of what separates man from beast, my answer is invariably these five words: we need to know shit. Animals, on the other hand, don’t need to know shit. They’re just happy to eat, have a bowel movement, fuck each other in weird positions, and go back to eating again (actually, I have a few mates who try to lead that exact lifestyle).

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Our thirst for knowledge is what makes being a human so much fun. And the good thing about having a human brain as compared to a baboon’s brain is that our gray matter is constantly throwing up situations and scenarios about every facet of life. Conversely, all the baboon’s brain thinks about is where the next banana is going to come from or what leaf to wipe its ass with.

Think about it: how many times a day does your brain throw up questions and scenarios for no apparent reason other than your natural curiosity? All the time! Should I go left or right? Do I order Diet Coke or regular Coke? Do I wear a sweater or short sleeves? Should I take a jacket? Should I take the blue pill or the red pill? Could I turn Lindsay Lohan away from lesbianism? Will the spaceship really come and take us all to Planet Zork if I drink the Powerade?

In fact I guarantee that if you wrote down every question your brain asked you each and every day, you’d end up with a book of such size it’d impress Dostoyevsky. It is the brain’s natural deluge of non-stop questions and unquenchable curiosity that is responsible for the influx of what I call the “curiosities” into the MMA arena. 

Sure a question like who would win a fight between a world-rated boxer and a Jiu Jitsu black belt contributes nothing to society and won’t improve your quality of life or help you attain any of the basic human needs I listed above, but it satisfies our need to know stuff no matter how intriguing or absurd the question. It’s also part of an undeniable situation we’ve all been in. You’re sitting with your mates, sucking back on a few cold ones, and you’ve exhausted all the topics of politics, economics and religion. You reach for the cooler, crack the top off a Budweiser, turn to your mate as he stuffs a half box of Cheese Puffs in his mouth and ask a burning question: Do you reckon a hardened street fighter would fuck up a UFC fighter if they got into a fight? 

Boom! You’re off and running. Next you’re wondering if a WWE professional wrestler could beat up for real on a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belt? Could a seven-foot, 300-pound giant knockout an opponent with one mighty Fee Fi Fo fist? Would a former boxing champion beat a former MMA champion? Does being an NFL star make for being an MMA fighter? Can outrageous size and strength alone beat outrageous skills? 

I know you’re sitting there right now thinking, Shit, Schiavello’s right! I do wonder that stuff and my mates and I chat about this random shit all the time. Of course you do! It’s human nature. You’re curious -- you want to know stuff -- and the fight game is the answer to these hypothetical questions that have been driving you crazy.

The fight game is the ultimate form of reality television. It doesn’t get more real than two men (or women) punching each other in the face and twisting one another’s limbs. All the hypothetical questions posed above have been answered through fighting sports made for live television audiences.

Michael Schiavello with Hong Mann Choi. Photo courtesy Michael Shiavello

Q: Could a professional WWE wrestler beat up on a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belt?

A: Yep, Brock beat up on Frank Mir.

Q: Could a seven-foot 300-pound giant knock out an opponent with one mighty Fee Fi Fo punch?

A: Nope. Minowaman tooled Hong Mann Choi and subbed the giant. Minowaman is barely 5’ 9”. Choi is 7’ 2”.

Q: Would a former boxing champion beat a former MMA champion?

A: You don’t need to wait for Toney to find out. Just look at Ray Mercer’s wrecking of Tim Sylvia, a former UFC heavyweight champion, in a matter of seconds.

Q: Does being an NFL star make for being a fighter?

A: You could argue both ways. Herschel Walker won his MMA debut against Greg Nagy but Johnny Morton got fucked up severely on debut against Bernard Ackah.

Q: Can outrageous size and strength alone beat outrageous skills?

A: Yes indeed. Bob Sapp twice beat the most skilled K-1 fighter in history, Ernesto Hoost, with size and strength alone.

Q: Would a badass street fighter get his ass handed to him by a professional MMA fighter?

A: The jury is still out. Kimbo Slice has had his ass handed to him and has also handed out the ass whoopings. Same can be said for Tank Abbott back in the day. Then you have an anomaly like Mark Hunt who got into kickboxing because a nightclub bouncer saw him deck a guy in a street fight. Hunt would go on to become the K-1 World Grand Prix champion and one of the highest paid martial arts fighters on the planet with zero martial arts pedigree.

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Yes folks, the curiosity of the general fan is something not to be underestimated, especially when it comes to attracting mainstream audiences. It is understandable that core fans may feel irked by the likes of Kimbo Slice, Ray Mercer, Herschel Walker, Johnny Morton, Jose Canseco and James “soon-to-become-a-headline-MMA-fighter” Toney getting top billing and immense media exposure while genuine MMA fighters who train their guts out have had to fight long and hard for such exposure and billing. But, sadly or not, that’s the way the television world works. Core fans will always be there, it’s those outside the core perimeter that television bosses want to attract to get the most bang for their broadcast buck. Canseco on TBS; Choi on XCM; Sapp on TBS; Slice on Spike; Walker on CBS... all magnets to attracting general sports fans numbers specifically to MMA ratings. While there is an argument to be had for quality versus ratings quantity, the likes of Toney, Kimbo, Lesnar, Walker, Sapp and other such curiosities will continue to be entertained in the MMA arena until such time as the sport can sustain itself as a television product solely by way of the outstanding quality of athletes who have dedicated themselves entirely and tirelessly to the sport. While it’s sad from a purist’s point of view that the awesome talent of a Georges St Pierre or a Fedor Emelianenko can not attract as much attention outside that core perimeter as a Kimbo Slice or a Herschel Walker, the Catch 22 is that Slice and Walker drawing high viewing numbers goes a long way towards keeping the likes of St Pierre and Emelianenko paid.

By Michael Schiavello
ProFighting-fans.com MMA Guest Writer

Michael Schiavello is the voice of MMA and K-1 on HDNet and a regular correspondent for InsideMMA. He commentated the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne and The Contender Asia reality TV series. He can be found online at: www.thevoiceofficial.com and at Twitter "SchiavelloVOICE."